Annals of Integrated Esoterica

Birthday Reflections

Today I celebrated my 29th birthday. I have never been much for birthdays. I don’t really measure the passage of time like that. People keep asking me how it feels to be getting older and I can honestly say I don’t think about it at all. Instead of measuring time in years, I try to measure it one day at a time. I prefer to focus on each day and what I need to get the most from that day, then I measure time by the accumulation of those achievements.

I do have one birthday ritual that I can’t help but perform. Each year I look in the mirror and ask myself “what have you done this year, where are you compared to last year”? The last 5 years or so the answer has not been pretty. Each year I was getting fatter, sadder and farther away from any goal or dream I had. I felt that each year has slipped away and left me farther behind; I honestly did not look forward to the coming years.

All that changed this year. After experiencing some extreme personal difficulties, I feel like I finally saw the bottom and at that point I was only left with 2 options. Remain in the despair of that place, or change. So this year I have adopted a new outlook. As Gandhi said “you must become the change you wish to see in the world”. I decided I could not longer live with myself as I was. Though I never admitted it to anyone I was severely depressed and anything, any change was better then where I was.

I started with the reclaiming of my body. At the start of this year I was 200 pounds and had lost almost all the muscle mass in my body. I was weak, tired and disgusted with myself. This became a complete unacceptable situation. I decided that my first priority was to get back into shape. I started a 6 session per week exercise program and slowly but steadily. I have lost almost all the weight I had before and converted the rest into muscle.

My overall weight has dropped from 200 to 175. My waist size went from 37 to 33. Blood pressure and cholesterol levels have all dropped sharply. I now bench press more weight then I ever have in my life and I am steadily improving in all metrics. The severe depression I was feeling has now all but gone away, without the need for any anti-depressants.

Reclaiming my body has been a very satisfying achievement. Not only because I feel and look better but the achievement of designing an exercise routine and sticking with it day in and day out for 9 months has been extremely rewarding.

I used to never be able to see myself as improving in anything, I felt that no matter how much I tried I was stuck in the same situation and would never be able to accomplish anything beyond my current abilities. I now no longer believe that, I know that with work and determination I can accomplish things that I never thought possible, and I have done this in theory and practice.

M.C. Escher used to deride talent, saying “Anyone with enough determination can draw better then I can”. These last 9 months have shown me this is true. It may take a long time and a lot of determination but the only real requirement for any goal is the willingness to try and to not let the fear of failure drag you down. I now know that failure is much less painful then inaction and apathy.

These realizations were not easy to come by, they required a lot of difficult self examination and acceptance of both opportunities takes and left behind. There are many things in my life I would change if I could, but I have given up the preoccupation with those items to focus on the things I can change, and I don’t think I will ever look back. Instead of letting those memories destroy me, I am now in control and I will make my future into what I want.

So this year my answer to my own question is this. I am better then I was last year, stronger, thinner, more focused. I may not have met every goal in my life. But I am moving forward and if I want something I will work as hard as I can to achieve it, no matter what. I am not all the way there yet, but I am better then I was last year. And that is a lot.

I Went Yard

Spring has arrived in Chicago and has provided some clues to that favorite new house mystery “what is growing in my yard”. Since the flower beds in my yard had not been tended in about 30 years, they are a dense hodgepodge of root, bulbs and leaves.

It was impossible to identify what was what until most of it bloomed, but now things are starting to open up so we can see what we have. We have a ton of Peonies and some nice shrub roses, and a lot of plants with just one root in the yard. Seems like the previous owners bought one of everything and just put it wherever.

And underlying everything is a thick carpet of green onions that have invaded everything.

Alternate Idea for The State of the Union

Listening to the state of the union speech, as the President talked about how democracy was good for the world and would ultimately bring us security, though no mention of peace, and how the United States must lead in the world. I began to think about how we lead in the world. If we are going to take the helm for the entire planet are we really doing it in the right way? Is the 50% of the national budget that goes to defense + the extra cost for special projects such as Iraq paying off like it should?

You know what I think, I don’t think it is working at all. If your way of civilizing the world is by the point of a gun I am not sure you are always going to get the desired results. But rather then be a naysayer without an alternative, I have come up with the following experiment.

Take just one year of the United States defense budget, $425 billion dollars, (that’s per year) and come up with a list of things that money could be spent on globally to ensure security. Here is the trick, it can’t be guns or anything associated with guns, and just to make it a little harder, the investments still need to pay of in this country with jobs and profit for the types of people who expect to profit from the current situation. So instead of the military-industrial complex we need some other sort of (thing)-industrial complex.

This is what I came up with that we could do instead.

Food for the entire world for the next 5 years

We could buy the entire world food for the next 5 years and create a program to ensure its fair and equitable distribution. The world already produces enough food for the entire population it is just not effectively distributed. This would be a huge boost to the farming industry and the shipping industry, not to mention creating jobs all over the world in food aid. This is by no means a long term solution to world hunger but I would imagine being able to eat well for years would free up a lot of time to solve a lot of other problems.

Perfect Desalinization

More then ½ the people in the world have no access to fresh water. The United States could perfect the systems to separate salt from water and create a network of desalinization plants along the world coasts that could provide water to the whole world. To develop this technology require a massive investment in R and D, creating jobs and then it would require massive amounts of manufacturing for the plants, electricity generation and pipelines.

Cure Aids

Really want to win people over, undertake the moon shot to create a viable vaccine treatment for HIV, not a series of drugs but a good old fashioned cure, then give it away. This would be a huge stimulus for the biotech research industry and while they would not get a drug payoff, the new methodologies and technologies created to accomplish such a task would probably be worth just as much.

Electricity without Oil

Develop a way to make electricity that requires 0 fossil fuel input then invest cost effective system to generate and deliver that power, then wire the world. Much like the new deal rural electrification program but on a much larger scale. The ability to generate 0 oil electricity will transfer the world. Instead of fighting over the dwindling energy resources of the world, the globe could focus on improving the lives of everyone.

All of these suggestions would require the employment of massive amounts of people in both the private the public sectors, they would all require the input of private industry, in fact these ideas will generate new industries never before thought of. Everyone in power still gets paid off and everyone is happy.

This year the government is going to spend this money on guns, just like it did last year and the year before and probably won’t shift gears to spend the money on something like this. But I wonder what the state of the union speech would be like if we did, and I wonder which year would create more safety for everyone.

New Year’s Resolution

• I will test myself above my current level
• I will let courage lead instead of fear
• I will find a voice that is mine
• I will remember the past without reliving it
• I will create something that is beyond my ability
• I will reclaim my body from sloth and apathy
• I will recognize myself in the mirror again
• I will fear caution not chance
• I will have more days of joy then sorrow

New House - Day 1

The house in Chicago finally closed. We went there this weekend to begin the long process of ripping out carpet and cleaning up. There was about 50 years worth of dust throughout the whole place. but as it is being removed the character of the house is coming out.

Amazingly after 87 years so much of the original house has survived. None of the woodwork has been painted, which is kind of a miracle. All the original glass is in the windows and all the original storm windows and screens are still intacted. Many of the screens are original copper webbing from the the 20’s. things are shapping up nicely, more images will follow as the house takes shape.

Practical Application of Bio Technology

So me and a friend just came up with an idea that i think can unify everyone around the idea of cloning and bio technology. I think science should invent the Eternal Puppy (copyright pending). Think about it, a dog that never grows up and is always cute and cuddly. who would not want that, it could play with string and chew on your thumb in that puppy way. man that would be sweet. sort of like Peter Pan but a dog. I bet people would buy those but the truckload. and if anyone has any sort of moral objection, well just give them one of the prototypes. i mean who can spout all that “against god and nature” crap when they are holding a puppy.

if any of you bio-chem students out there want in on this drop me a line.

diamond in the rug

So yesterday while driving home i went south on Main instead of the usual north. I had to run an errand. While driving south i noticed that the oriential run store on Main, the one that used to be the mike shop, was going out of business. They were liquidating all the inventory up to 70% off. I decided to stop, big mistake since i ended up buying 2 rugs for my new house. They were just so nice i could not pass them up. The small red one is from Iran and the Larger beige one is from Pakistan. I think the sale is going on for a few more days. if you have every wanted to buy one of these, this may be the best time ever to pick one up at a reasonable price.

What Happened to Main Stream Concerts At Hill Auditorium

Last Thursday i was preparing to go to the Beck concert at the State Theater and while Googleing for the directions i began to wonder if there were any interesting concerts at Hill Auditorium. I went to Hill’s site and Ticket master to see what was upcoming and i noticed that there are no more non-University Musical Society events at Hill. I was very surpised by this, i remeber when i started college here in 1999 almost every weekend there was a major concert at Hill. I can remember seeing The Smashing Pumpkins, Ben Harper, Tori Amos and Sarah Mclachlin at Hill. The concerts were always great and the sound was amazing.

Does anyone know when and why this tradition stopped? I am assuming that it was stopped after the renovation but i would like to know why? this was a really special venue that was of a much higher quality then the State Theater or other local Venue. Its location on campus made for some really great shows. I hope one day this tradition starts again, it would be really sad to lose such a wondreful venue.

The Blog is Back

Greetings, after a minor hosting provider hiccupp I am back now powered by Wordpress and Dreamhost. thanks to Dreamhost for providing free Word Press installation. Unfortunatly i did not back up my old Blog from moveable type so i guess that stuff is just lost to the ages. but This is an exciting opportunity to start fresh. Great to be back.

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